Volume 5, No. 3, September 2005

LIVING IN A PLACE OF LOVE
  RATHER THAN ANGER, HURT AND FEAR


There is one Moral Principle the Love which springs forth from a willing heart, surrendered in service to God and Humanity, and which blooms in deeds of beneficence.
                                                     - Hazrat Inayat Khan
 

Introduction

Living in a place of love generates healing in you and in those with whom you interact. By clearing your blocks to being a vehicle for healing, you can bring more healing into the world. Through the web of consciousness and life you can contribute your healing to all of creation.
 

Anger

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one.
                                             - Benjamin Franklin

Anger is a common emotion between people who live and work together. Couples and children argue and fight, parents are often angry with their children; children with their parents; employees often chafe and fester over employers' actions; and supervisors frequently are upset by employees' actions and inactions.

The good news is that anger often is a way of showing that we care, particularly in our personal relationships. It is a safe way to express caring, in that it doesn't leave the angry person vulnerable to rejection after exposing a Ôsoft belly' of positive feelings that are then not reciprocated. If we didn't care about the person who is the target of our angers, we would respond to perceived provocations with indifference, simply dismissing or ignoring them.

Anger does not have to be hurtful. If I state my anger as statements of how I am feeling, this opens a door to discussion about how the situation and relationships that brought out my anger can be addressed. (This is in contrast to angers expressed in blaming and attacking ways.)


Hurt and fear

Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.
                                                   - James Thurber

Anger is generated when we feel mistreated, misunderstood or rejected. We are hurt and want to hurt back. We feel abused or violated and want to re-assert our boundaries and demonstrate our ability to defend ourselves. This helps to diminish our perceived vulnerability, raised when we feel attacked.

The bad news is that we often carry inner bucketfuls of anger from hurts in the past that were not resolved. A slight or injury in the present may easily stir the feelings buried in the past, offering an opportunity to spill the festering old angers on the target of our present anger, along with the angers that this person stirred within us in the present.

Anger not only serves to avenge our actual and perceived injuries and assert our strength, it also helps to cover over our hurts - hiding them from others and from ourselves. We may not want to reveal to others how hurt we are, as we often fear that this would expose our weaknesses, leaving us vulnerable to further attacks. We may not want to admit to ourselves how hurt we feel, so it is easy to divert our attention into anger...

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Copyright © Daniel J. Benor, M.D. 2005 Reprinted with permission of the author P.O. Box 76 Bellmawr, NJ 08099 www.WholisticHealingResearch.com   DB@WholisticHealingResearch.com