Dr. Daniel Benor           

...Coming home is not something we can only do later but something available to us right now,  in each moment we are open to...
                       Stephen Levine- Healing into Life & Death

Bereaved people will, more often than not, experience the presence of relatives or dear ones after they have passed on.  This is common knowledge amongst American psychotherapists.  In my first year of training in 1967 I was taught that the bereaved might see or hear their departed relatives and that this was not a sign of decompensation or an indication for tranquillisers or hospitalization.  This was confirmed in a survey (published in 1989 in the American Journal of Psychiatry) of 201 relatives and close friends of persons who had died sudden deaths.  Sixty-four percent of those surveyed reported either having visions, hearing the voice, feeling the touch, hearing footsteps or movements, or feeling the 'presence' or 'spirit' of the 'decedent' around themselves or in their house.  The high percent reporting such experiences is impressive, in view of the conservative journal in which these results were published.
  The conventional psychological explanation for these experiences is that the bereaved have such strong wishes to hold on to relationships with their dear ones that they hallucinate their presence in some fashion rather than accept that they are no longer present.  This is indeed the belief of the authors of the above survey, who label these experiences 'preservation of lost object' ('object' is psychological jargon for a significant person in one's life).
  While this may be true in some instances, there is considerable evidence that the spirit actually survives the death of the physical body and that the reports of the bereaved may indicate actual awareness of the departed spirits.
  People who have had a near-death experience (NDE) often report that they were greeted by spirits of relatives who had predeceased them.  In a typical instance, 'Tom' suffers an accident, is badly injured, and soon declared dead by examining doctors.  Tom finds himself floating above his 'dead' body, observing the doctors in their efforts to revive him.  He is approached by relatives who died earlier.  They welcome him and encourage him to 'turn towards the light'.   He finds himself in the presence of a 'being of light' which is unconditionally loving and totally accepting of Tom, even as Tom very rapidly reviews in minute detail every event in his life.  No judgement is passed, other than by Tom upon himself.  Tom may be given the choice of staying in spirit form or of returning to continue work and relationships on the physical plane.  Alternatively, Tom may find spirit existence enticing and wish to remain in spirt form, only to be told firmly that he must return to finish his work on earth.  Tom suddenly finds himself awake in his body, with medical personnel amazed at his miraculous recovery.
  There are some who feel that the NDE is simply a psychological experience of waning bioelectrical activity in the brain.  Others suggest it may be a wishful dream of a traumatised person who invents a spirit world in defence against his fears of the finality of physical death.
  In contradiction of these theories are the responses of people to the NDE (as surveyed by Dr Kenneth Ring with adults and Melvin Morse with children).  Those having an NDE are dramatically transformed.  They have a sense of personal spirituality which is more immediate and self evident than they had experienced through previous religious practices.  In fact, some had been agnostics or atheists  Following the NDE they no longer fear death.  They feel a kinship with mankind and a sense of commitment to the betterment of mankind.  In contrast, people who are declared clinically dead and later revive, but who do not experience the NDE, do not report such personal transformations.  These findings appear to support a reality to the NDE beyond a physiological effect of brain death.
  Again in support of spirit survival are deathbed visions.  People who are approaching death often report a perception of relatives who had passed on earlier, coming in spirit forms to assist them in making the transition into spirit.  Karlis Osis and Erlunder Haraldsson found that such reports were nearly identical in the US, UK and India, despite broad cultural differences in the people interviewed.
  Space does not permit further review here of a considerable body of further evidence for survival of the spirit (Benor).
 
  Setting aside the arguments as to whether bereavement apparitions are objectively valid or only subjective creations and projections of the imagination, it is clear that many people have these experiences.  Most people hesitate to tell others about them, fearing that they will be considered deranged and possibly even put away in a mental institution.  As doctors and healers we can at least respect their experiences as a part of the bereavement process, reassure them that they are not insane, and encourage them to speak of these along with their other feelings about being bereaved.
  There is healing to be offered here through listening and reassurance.  There is healing in discussions of bereaved people's fears about their own deaths.  There is healing in the carers' examining of their own feelings about dying and bereavement.
  If we accept the value of spiritual awareness and allow that the spirit may survive death, these are also opportunities to help people open to their personal spirituality, through the experience of healing and through discussions of experiences they perceive as spiritual.
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References
 
Benor, DJ.  Healing Research: Holistic Energy Medicine and Spirituality, Munich: Helix Verlag GmbH (in press)

Lorimer, D. Whole in One: The Near-death Experience and the Ethic of Interconnectedness, London: Arkana/Penguin 1990 ISBN 0-14-019258-1

Morse, M with Perry, P. Closer to the Light: Learning from the Near-Death Experiences of Children, NY: Ivy 1990 ISBN 0-8041-0832-3

Osis, K and Haraldsson,  E. At the Hour of Death: Results of Research on Over 1,000 Afterlife Experiences, NY: Discus/Avon ISBN 0-380-01802-0

Ring, K. Heading Toward Omega: In Search of the Meaning of the Near-Death Experience, NY: William Morrow 1984  ISBN0-688-03910-3

Vargas, LA, et al. Exploring the multidimensional aspects of grief reactions, American  J Psychiatry1989, 146(11), 1484-1488  (24 refs).
 

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Copyright © Daniel J. Benor, M.D. 1992 Reprinted with permission of the author P.O. Box 76 Bellmawr, NJ 08099
www.WholisticHealingResearch.com   DB@WholisticHealingResearch.com 

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