IJHC (The International Journal of Healing and Caring) - From

From Robert Carroll, The Art of the Brain, Los Angeles, CA: Bombshelter Press 2004. http://www.artofthebrain.org/ http://www.bombshelterpress.com/

This is a sample from an unusual book with a spectrum of moving collaborations between poets and people who are facing major health challenges.

Upon returning to high school in Washington, Aerika discovered through volunteer experience a love and talent for working with children, and she decided to become a nurse. Aerika attended Azusa Pacific University, where she became involved with foreign missions and residence leadership. While earning her B.S. in Nursing, she met James, her future husband, whom she married in 1997. Aerika began her nursing career at Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital caring for children with cancer. Her passion for teaching then led her to a position at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, where she trained fellow nurses to care for cancer patients.

In early 2003, Aerika was working at Harbor-UCLA and earning her Masters of Science in Nursing from USC when a seizure led to the detection of her brain tumor. A few weeks later, she discovered she was pregnant. With her loving husband by her side, Aerika finished her Master’s degree and gave birth to Ashleigh, a beautiful baby girl. Post-delivery, Aerika underwent surgery and was diagnosed in February 2004 with a grade IV glioblastoma. She received radiation and continues with chemotherapy. Aerika lives each day to the fullest and is grateful for all the loving people in her life. She is optimistic and hopeful that she will be with her family for each bright and beautiful tomorrow.

© 2004 by Aerika Wiseman and Teri Goldman

Thanks to the initial generalized seizure I experienced
during a run one evening through the Pasadena hills,
this beautiful eight-month old baby ball of fire
is teetering on my lap, babbling up a storm.
My daughter Ashleigh is the beauty of my brain tumor.

  You see, the anti-seizure medication messed with my cycle,
  and I discovered I was pregnant one week after
             the tumor diagnosis.
  Soon, my husband and I brought a 7-pound, 19-inch angel
             into our world,
  a beacon of light through the dark matter in my brain.
  We never suspected that a Glioblastoma Multiforme
  was creeping around the left side of my motor strip,
  growing as my baby grew.

       “Did you just not feel challenged enough?”
       my mother asked. We laughed.
       Life has never been something I questioned.
       Keeping the baby; giving birth; enjoying time with family;
       creating opportunities for children, students, and friends:
       these are the things that have made my life happy and full.

           My husband James said that we could choose
           to become better people, or we could choose
           to become bitter. The decision was simple.
           The prayer of St. Francis of Assisi states,
           “For it is in the giving that we receive.”
           I have spent my life trying to lead and serve others.
           Now, I must find a new way to give to the world
           that operates within my chemo-fatigued limits.

               It is ironic how life prepares us for challenges.
               I am a Pediatric Oncology nurse
               and a chemotherapy nurse educator.
               James is a medical student.
               We practiced Ninjitsu as a hobby,
               the martial arts defensive training
               that taught us how to fight and rise from a fall.
               So, we can say that with our backgrounds,
               we were prepared to battle brain cancer,
               but no one is prepared to rise from this type of fall.

                  I do not focus too often on the mini-seizures
                  or my right foot not balancing as it should
                  or my hair growing back in the pattern of a Mohawk-
                  yes, really, a Mohawk.
                  No, my focus is my daughter and my husband
                  and the love we share.
                  My focus is getting through each day
                  with a little more strength.
                  My focus is getting back to work,
                  so I can teach my nursing students
                  how to care for cancer patients.
                  I cannot even do the small details right now.
                  But someday, I hope to hike Yosemite again,
                  or even snowboard.
                  I never say never.

                     My experience with brain cancer has changed me.
                     I was always thinking about my next step.
                     Today, I am just thankful for what is now,
                       focused on what is now.
                     Suddenly, the once dreaded turning thirty is an exciting time.
                     I appreciate spending hours with James and my mom
                     traveling to appointments and eating meals together,
                     and being at home watching Ashleigh play—
                     all the things that would not have happened
                     had we been doing the rat race.
                     I hope other people will think about the little moments
                     and not miss the opportunity to live.

                           My family and I do not dwell on prognosis.
                           Too many people beat the odds.
                           I plan to see my little Punky
                           step onto her first snowboard
                           and someday graduate from college.
                           I will watch my family grow,
                           and I will grow with them.
                           This is my life journey.
                           Faith, hope and my child’s smile
                           have taught me how to rise from any fall.

© 2004 by Teri Goldman

Teri Goldman is a writer and a social worker. A Los Angeles native, she earned her MSW from UCLA and spent several years on the Pediatric Social Work staff at UCLA Medical Center. Teri is a member of the Los Angeles Poets and Writers Collective, and her poetry has appeared in Onthebus, The Art of the Brain, and the chapbooks Indigo Days and Complicated Lives, Simple Truths. She is currently writing her first novel and completing a collection of short poems.
terigold2@earthlink.net.

From - Robert Carroll, The Art of the Brain

by Teri Goldman and Aerika