Parallel Journesy: A Spirited Approach to Coping and Living with Cancer

by Larry Lachman and Ric Masten

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Carmel, CA: Sunink Presentations, 2003.

Larry Lachman is a psychologist who had surgery at age 39 for prostate cancer that presented as a single nodule. Ric Masten, an author and poet, was diagnosed at age 69 with an aggressive form of prostate cancer that had already spread. He has had surgery, radiation and chemotherapy.

Each writes of his experiences in his own way. Lachman presents linear descriptions and psychological analyses that are well organized and extremely helpful - as could only be written by someone who has both experienced dealing with cancer and has helped many others to deal with cancer. Masten wonderfully parallels all of the issues discussed by Lachman through poetry that is trenchantly honest, spoken from the heart, and yet maintains a centeredness that is utterly refreshing. Masten's poetry is on the even pages; Lachman's on the odd pages. It is utterly engaging to read of similar experiences that are shared in these two very different styles. In addition, each inserts meta-observations and comments in the margins about their own narratives and each other's.

Here is a typical example, contrasting each of the authors' styles of approaching their cancers:

MASTEN: Of course the doctor is most optimistic about all the new and miraculous treatments available. But before I go into that, I want you to know that I find myself experiencing a strange and wonderful kind of peace. Hell, I've lived nearly 70 years already - done exactly what I wanted to do with my life. All worthwhile dreams have come true. Made my living since 1968 as a 'Performance Poet' - Billie Barbara and I have been together for 47 years - growing closer with each passing day. We have four great kids, five neat and nifty grandchildren. All thing considered, I've been truly blessed and whether my departure date is next year or 15 years from now I'm determined not to wreck my life by doing a lousy job with my death. (p. 2)

Lachman has excellent suggestions for dealing with practical issues of managing the physical and emotional aspects of the illness, as well as for psychological pacing of healing efforts. He makes suggestions I have not seen elsewhere, such as doing your best to put together several teams of support people, so that they can take turns and then no one person gets worn out in being helpful. He clearly has had a wealth of lessons from his own illness that deepens and enriches his advice to others. Here are further suggestions, in his own words:

LACHMAN: Respect your style of coping. You will cope with surgery best if you are aware of your preferred way of handling stress. There are two major ways of coping with surgery; both are considered to be 'active' styles of coping. They are: Avoidant Copers - Those of us who don't want to be overwhelmed with information that we don't need or be asked to make too many decisions. They way and avoidant coper reduces stress is by saying, 'Just knock me out and get it over with doc. Spare me the gory details.'

And then there are the Vigilant Copers
- Those of us who want a sense of control over our situation by seeking out a great deal of information before surgery. 'I want to know who, when, what, and where doc. Take me through it step by step. Don't skip any details.' Both approaches to coping are valid ways of confronting the life crisis of surgery. Both approaches are examples of how you can be an active participant in your own treatment. (p. 69, 71)

Denial gets a bad rap. Without a healthy dose of denial, we would never leave the house due to continually possibilizing all the catastrophic events that could befall us as we go about our day-to-day activities. (p. 23)

By creating my own healing narrative... as well as using the SANITYMatrixª described in chapter 2, I was able to soulfully construct my own story about what my experience was in having cancer and how I felt about it. I was able to determine what type of relationship I wanted to have with my illnesses. I was beginning to put a new face on my inner Humpty Dumpty- reformulating what I wanted to do from here on and how I wanted to do it.

...I began to formulate my Five Insights For Recovery. I was beginning to map out how I would finally be able to embrace my new after-cancer self. The five insights for recovery that I came up with were:

1. Let go of all resentments.

2. Spend time helping other cancer patients.

3. Set boundaries and being realÑsaying what I mean and meaning what I say.

4. Reclaim a spiritual path by connecting with a religious or spiritual community.

5. Change my pace of living from having to be always-on-the-go to being more balanced, relaxed and centered. (p. 161, 163)

I found this book appealing not only for the contrasts and blends of presentations, but for the poetry of Masten itself, which I like and find to be moving, educational and enlightening. Here is one of Masten's own favourites:

Who's Waving? I ain't waving babe, I'm drowning Going down in a cold lonely sea I ain't waving babe, I'm drowning So babe quit waving at me     I ain't waving babe, I'm crying I'm crying, oh why can't you see? I ain't fooling babe, I ain't fooling So babe quit fooling with me     This ain't singing babe, it's screaming I'm screaming that I'm going down And you're smiling babe, and you're waving Just like you don't hear a sound     I ain't waving babe, I'm drowning Going down right here in front of you And you're waving babe, you keep waving Hey babe, are you drowning too/ Oh (p. 126)

Masten's sprightly, continuous-line cartoon drawings ("one-liners") add dimensions of awareness to this book.       (More of one-liners in the IJHC section on Healing through Creative Arts.)

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