I was a doormat for my family. My mother got pregnant with me out of wedlock, and she felt that I ruined her life. I felt that I didn’t have any self-esteem or worth or confidence until someone else gave it to me. I couldn’t even go shopping for a dress without having someone else there to tell me if I should buy the dress. Even if I didn’t like the dress, if the other person said they liked it and I should buy it, I would.
When I came to see Susan, I felt like I was “losing it”. I’d been seeing a psychiatrist for ten years and he helped me to a certain extent, but I didn’t feel I had the tools to go forward. Susan’s reading was exactly right. I felt that my self worth was based on everyone else, not on me.
In my house, when we kids got home from school, we weren’t allowed to have any snacks, so I used to sneak food from the panty, whatever I could find. Food was love. Through the Seemorg Matrixwork, I was able to kick my chocolate addiction by the end of January. I went on a cruise to Mexico in March and didn’t have any sweets. I ate fruit instead.
When I first came to Susan, I weighed 211 pounds. I joined Weight Watchers and went twice, but never went back. I looked masculine, I came across very dumpy, my hair was scraggly, I didn’t wear any makeup. In April after I completed the ten sessions, I got my hair done, had permanent makeup done. I look great, I feel great and I am great. My dyslexia is greatly improved. I help my grandson with his homework, and I’m not afraid to speak anymore for fear I’ll say the wrong word and be laughed at like in the past.
When I first came to Susan I was working as a personal care assistant for an elderly woman. I lived-in, and had 24-hour responsibility. On holidays, I took her with me to my family gatherings. When I started working I was making $4 per hour. I had the courage to speak up and tell the family I wanted a raise to $7.50 per hour. I learned to set boundaries, and eventually left this position. I now have another position that pays $12 per hour, I bought a very nice mobile home, and I’m happy with my life. For the first time in my life, I don’t need other people’s approval, I love and accept myself. If someone disrespects me, I stand up for myself. I would not be where I am today without this work. I am finally in charge of my life. I broke off a 23-year friendship with a woman friend because I am able to set healthy boundaries with people. I’m no longer the doormat - now I’m the knocker on the door.
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