The Self Parenting Program – Core Guidelines for the Self-Parenting Practitioner

by John Pollard

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John Pollard. The Self Parenting Program – Core Guidelines for the Self-Parenting Practitioner. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc. 1992.  276 pp.  $16.95     

John Pollard brings us an excellent discussion on identifying and dealing with the inner child. This is an aspect of ourselves that is most often well outside our conscious awareness. This part of ourselves is not just the memories of our early life, the residues of our uncompleted dreams, and scars from challenging and traumatic childhood experiences. It is a living, thinking, feeling and often willful aspect of our adult self that may have a life of its own if we are not in harmony with it.

This aspect of ourselves has been noted in psychoanalytic terms as the id and in Transactional Analysis as the Child Ego State. This Child part of ourselves seeks pleasure; wants what it wants when it wants it; brings enthusiasm and curiosity to our cogitations, actions and interactions; wants approval and affection; and may respond to perceived negativity with feelings of hurt, anger and rebellion. We also have an inner Parent and inner Adult - the executive part of ourselves that makes logical, reasoned decisions for courses of action based on available information.

We tend to think of a child in relationship with other adults, particularly the child's parents. With the inner Child it is our own inner Parent who is involved in dealing with the inner Child. So this Child is dependent upon this other aspect of ourselves for its nurturing and disciplining. Similarly to family relationships in the outer world, this Child is also a teacher to the inner Parent and inner Adult.

The potential strengths of your Inner Parent are the same strengths that the ideal outer parent would have. Your Inner Parent can be an excellent teacher, providing guidance and setting examples for your Inner Child. Your Inner Parent can maintain an intimate sense of caring and support for your Inner Child so that it develops its own talents and skills. When you express positive concern for your Inner Child or give it encouragement, you are voicing the positive Inner Parent.

During times of stress the positive Inner Parent is a calming, soothing voice that is always present to help and support your Inner Child. The Inner Parent makes decisions, chooses options and evaluates priorities for both Inner Selves. The positive Inner Parent can provide the Inner Child with whatever it wants or needs by practicing the SELF-PARENTING Program. Training and experience allow the positive Inner Parent to become highly developed in rational thinking and intellectual activity. (p. 17)

Without a model for positive outer parenting, learning to become a positive Inner Parent is very difficult. The half-hour format for Self-Parenting sessions is easy to follow. (p. 37)

Pollard explains ways to develop a nurturing Parent and provides excellent exercises for doing this. One of the most important is: "Always remember that whenever you ask a question, your only response will be, “Thank you, Inner Child, for telling me that.” (p. 45)

This book will be a help to caregivers and careseekers who are sensitive to the inner voices that often cause problems in our lives but at the same time can be some of our best teachers and guides through the jungles of life.

Review by Daniel J. Benor, MD, IJHC Editor in Chief

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